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JOKES FOR TEACHERS:

Perhaps we can add a little humor to your day. Check back often, we will be continually adding more. Submissions are subject to review.

Click here to Submit a Joke.


Clouds are high flying fogs.

Teacher: How are clouds formed? Pupil: I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.

We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Rain is saved in cloud banks.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

The wind is like the air, only pushier

It was so cold the other day that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.


Did you hear that they found a warehouse full of rulers, compasses, calculators and protractors in Bagdad? Everyone in the White House was so excited. They had finally found evidence of weapons of math instruction.


"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse ?"
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down !"

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick !

What are the small rivers that run into the Nile ?
The juve-niles !

Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river ?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see !

Teacher: What are the Great Plains ?
Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16 !

Teacher: Where is the English Channel ?
Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things !

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down !

Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated ?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile !

Name an animal that lives in Lapland ?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer !

I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn't take algebra!

Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
She was trying to get ahead!

What was the first thing Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?
Sat down!

Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!

Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!

Why did Eve want to move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple!

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking

Daffy Definitions:

Dark Ages
A time when there were lots of knights

Deadline
Fence around a graveyard

Deception
The door that leads out of reception

Deck Chair
Chair made from beach

Defence
Something that runs around the garden

Denial
Where Cleopatra lived

Depend
The end of the swimming pool with most water

Depth
Height turned upside down

Dessert Spoon
Spoon for eating sand

Diplomat
One who thinks twice before saying nothing

Disconcerted
Thrown out of a concert

Disconsolate
A record being played after midnight

Dispense
Give out pocket money

Dissent
Say you don't like someone's perfume

Dogmatic
Robot dog

Drill Sergeant
An army dentist

Dungarees
Trousers worn for shifting manure

Duration
An oration that never stops

Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

Extra Credit Question: Define the universe, and give three examples.

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